Wow! I havnt been on here in forever! Im surprised I remembered my password! Befoer facebook and Myspace there was XANGA! lol! Man...look me up on facebook...ashley durden and myspace! Well I know most of my friends dont even get on here anymore. So now this can really be my diary!

I donno I'm just stressing myself out over NOTHING! I seem to have that gift, I just wanna trust in God and be ok...but I always have to know stuff ASAP and control my life! I just think Im falling head over heels in love with a guy and Im afriad he may not feel the same way about me. I think this is just me being unsure about myself, Ay Dios, you know everything. Why can I put my trust in you!

He is a great friend, great worker, smart, funny, loving, respectful, outgoing, romantic, strong Christian, great lover(lol) the list goes on. And I love the way he conforts me, holds my hand, plays with my hair, kisses me on the forehead, talkes about how much he loves his job, just freakn everything. I donno, I shouldnt worry about this till Oct 23 cause thats when I can date again.....but he's been my best friend and more. And trust me Im not so into him that I havnt seen and called him out on things I dont like..cause I have and I know they're there and there are more things Im going to see that I may not agree with or like at all! Thats just relationships in general!

I just want him to be mine and only mine! He is a great great catch and so I am...dont get it twisted...if he misses out on this thats his loss. But he has my heart and i just have a hard time trusting him with it. And then I scare myself and wonder if I should have givin it to him in the first place. BY the time I can date again...we will have been talking 8 months....we should know by then where its goin!

Gods just teaching me patience and to listen to His voice.    and man is he teaching me!

ok so xangas kinda old new....so everyone tells me! So now I have My space......so I'm more likely to write on there than here........anywho my name is.............                    Mac_n_cheese2go               don't laugh its original and I love mac and cheese........btw I have a prom date! YAY!

                                ~ashley

*Sigh* Hey long time no write! Yes I'm still alive. I have been so busy with School and Work. BTW I  L-O-V-E my job! So lets see whats happened. Ummm I'm almost outs highschool! I've gotn asked out by 2 guys this past month with which I had to tell one of them no SEVERAL times. I have my own banking account and I just feel "oh so grown up!" lol. My parents and I went to Hardin-Simmons to look at the campus...and pretty much the lady said I'm in..I just need to finish sending in all my information. Which is a OK...because the campus is booty-ful and wide variety of classes is a Christian private college BUT its not strick at all like (Pensicola Christian College...where you can go swimming with guys, wear a uniform, and have a chaperone on your dates). SO I'm syked about it!

.......um I CANT wait till prom.....I'm already planning....the sad thing is I'm going to spend 4 months planning and 1 night to have it... and its over like that *snap*!  So its going to be totally awesome!

Of course God is A-W-E-S-O-M-E......I had a really bad week last week and He totally gave me an AWESOME weekend soo I'm totally re-charged for those snotty nosed brats lol.  He keeps showing me things about ME I need to change and/or work on...and ....we're getting there.  But especially this time in my life I really gota rely on Him to pull things through..so me trusting Him fully and give'n all of me to Him has surely happened these past months if I hadn't before. And you know its A LOT  easier to do that than to fight Him..or to do it ourselves.

I mean think about it....we have it soo easy...He died...rose again...all we have to do is trust in Him and give Him our life..and live our life for Him. THATS IT! .....man we make things seem harder than they really are huh.!?!?!!!!         well thats my sermon,

 OH yea did I tell you I want to be a missonary and teach.......   ya! ya!

                             ashley

God Bless

what a good way to start the New year....

 I was going to all the daycares around were I live getting applications and I was like "God please let there be a job opening in one of these."........so I go to Childrens World and they gave me an app. but they had no job opening then I went to Glenwood Day school and I walked in and asked for an app. and the lady in the office was like "OMG, I need you, do you think you can fill out this app. right now." I was like YEA! so I did and she gave me the job and I started the next day. Mon-Fri 2:30pm-6:00pm........$7 an hour! She was like 2 teachers quit today and I need someone to work so I talked to her about me being in ETI and all that....so now I'm a working woman!  .....................God rox!

Anywho I went to Killeen this weekend to see my 2nd cousin ...I'll put some pictures up of her, she's 2 months old! her dad is Indian(Native American) and Black and her mom is Korean and Black..........she's going to be super beautiful when she gets older......and I got to hang with Stanley the best cousin in the world...I love him yea...but I got to get ready for cell group! ......bye ttyl

                                         ~ashley

5.....4....3...2..1     HAPPY NEW YEAR!

ok so I brought in the New year..Hot and frustrated! Yea I went to a new club in Garland called "Queens".......ok so half of the ppl there went to church. lol .....but I can't say anything right? cause I was there too. let me just make this clear...Clubbin like that just AINT  my thing...I'm not into all that bump and grind thing....its gross...mightest well have sex. But hey thats just me! I don't mind dance'n with my girl friends but I'm not going to do alll that with a guy. ok and guys listen to me..its not cute when you get a girls attention like this : " Say, say....can I holler at you for a minute."....eh no you can not sir! I don't know you and my name aint Say! Plus I gota be careful where I go cause it can seriously hurt my witness.ya know!  lol  I didn't have that much fun but it was an experience.....I think older clubs are for me like the 25 and up one...it'll be a while!

ANYWHO ...GOD is good I lived to see 2006! Yep the year I graduate! yea ya'll Ashley's all grown up! anywho...its is going to be a great year of ..learning and Spiritual growth in the Lord! ........I'm excited...ya'll this is a brand NEW year....clean the slate and start anew....! But yea today I went outside and sat on the back of my dads car *my new pic*...and the weather was perfect...its was warm, kinda humid but there was a breeze ya know..and just sat and thought about all the things, and situations God got me through and the things this new year might bring... it was nice! God is good all the time and all the time...what?  God is good! You got it!  lol

             kisses huggs and skates!

                                        ~:*@sh*:~